The Three Rs

Active labor is the phase when your cervix dilates from about 4–5 cm to 8 cm. This is typically the point when most moms head to the hospital or birthing center, as it becomes clear that labor is well underway and progressing.

This stage can feel like a turning point—sometimes referred to as the “moment of truth.” Many moms begin to feel overwhelmed, like things are getting too intense or even out of control. That’s completely normal. The good news? You’re getting closer and closer to meeting your baby.

Here are three things to remember during this time, based on The Three Rs from Penny Simkin, founder of DONA International:

1. Relaxation
   Finding ways to relax between contractions can make a big difference. This might be letting your body go soft and still while taking deep, steady breaths. It could also look like gentle swaying, rocking, or repeating calming sounds or phrases. Whatever helps your body release tension will help you cope.
2. Rituals
   A ritual is anything you do repeatedly with each contraction. In early labor, this might be a specific breathing pattern or swaying side to side. As labor progresses, rituals tend to shift into something more instinctive and spontaneous. Minimizing sensory input—like dimming lights or reducing noise—can help you stay focused and continue the patterns that are helping you cope.
3. Rhythm
   Rhythm is often the key to managing labor. Whether it’s breathing in a steady pattern, tapping your fingers, or swaying in sync with contractions, having a rhythm helps your body and mind stay grounded. As labor intensifies, especially in the transition phase, it might be hard to maintain that rhythm on your own—this is when your doula or support person can gently guide you back into it.

Why Support in Childbirth Matters

When I was pregnant with my first child back in 2007, I hardly knew what a doula was—until I stepped into my hospital room and a nurse asked if I’d be interested in having a volunteer doula support me through labor and birth.

A doula? I had planned to get an epidural as soon as I could, so probably not. I didn’t think it was necessary, so I politely declined. After all, I assumed the nurses and my OB would be by my side the whole time. Why would I need anyone else?

But the nurse didn’t stay with me the whole time. And my OB? I only saw her when I was admitted, and not again until it was time to push. Still, my baby was healthy, and I was happy.

With each of my second, third, and fourth pregnancies, I became more interested in pregnancy and birth. I educated myself about fetal development, complications, fertility, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting. You could say I doula-ed myself.

But when we found out our fifth baby had passed away at 19 weeks, and I would be giving birth to a stillborn, I realized—I couldn’t doula myself through this.

This time, I needed someone else.
Someone who was not a nurse or doctor.
Someone focused on my emotions.
Someone simply there for me.

And she was. She sat with me, which made that awful experience bearable—just by being present and caring for me in such gentle way.

In my births that followed, I made sure I had support. Sometimes it came from a trained doula, and sometimes from a loving, supportive friend. Honestly, the credentials didn’t matter to me. What mattered was having someone focused entirely on me—someone to hold space, cheer me on, and help me feel seen and cared for.

That’s what I hope to offer as a doula:
To make my clients feel supported, honored, and cared for—just like I was during my own births.

Midwife vs Doula - What's the difference?

There are many types of birthworkers involved in caring for pregnant and postpartum mamas — OBs, midwives, labor & delivery nurses, doulas, NICU nurses, perinatologists, neonatologists, lactation consultants — and each one plays a unique role.

Let’s look at the key difference between a midwife and a doula:

👩‍⚕️ Midwife = Medical Care
A midwife is a trained healthcare provider who offers medical care throughout pregnancy and birth. They monitor your blood pressure, track your baby’s growth, and treat any complications that may arise.

🤱 Doula = Emotional + Physical Support
A doula doesn’t deliver babies. Instead, we support you. We provide continuous emotional care, physical comfort techniques, birth education, and advocacy — so you feel calm, confident, and empowered before, during, and after birth.

Most mamas will have several professionals on their birth team. As a doula, I’m there to be your constant, someone focused entirely on you through every stage of this incredible journey — from pregnancy to postpartum. 💛

"Pain during birth is purposeful, anticipated, intermittent, and necessary."

Remembering this is just one way to help you mentally manage your labor that is bringing your baby into this world.

Tips

During my own pregnancies, I didn’t necessarily have morning sickness. Instead, I had afternoon sickness, evening sickness, or all-day sickness. Nausea from pregnancy can pop up at any time during the day. Here are some things that helped me feel better, or at the very least, kept my nausea from getting any worse (in the moment).

• Cold foods. Anything cold was always better than warm or hot foods. I lived on the Yoplait GoGurt yogurt tubes because I could remain laying on the couch while slowly taking in some cold calories. Smoothies were helpful too, and a cold banana would help me feel full without taking too much effort.
• Naps. You don’t feel nauseous while you’re sleeping! However, I recommend taking a nap right after you’ve had something to eat. Usually, an empty stomach makes nausea worse, so you don’t want to wake up hungry and even more nauseous than when you fell asleep.
• Loose pants. Make sure your pants are not too tight! Loose fitting clothing around your growing waist will help reduce the feeling of nausea.
• Use a fan. Good air circulation around you will keep you feeling refreshed. Pretend the fan is blowing away your nausea!

What should you do during early labor?

When you reach the end of pregnancy, every twinge and feeling can make you think, “Is this the start of labor?” During each of my own pregnancies, those last few weeks were often a guessing game if one contraction would turn into another, or another. I remember the feelings of disappointment when they would fizzle out and then hours or days would go by with no action. But once you start to feel those consistent, yet doable, contractions, it might be time to bring out these tips for what to do during early labor:

1. Distract yourself. Go to a movie. Make a run to Target. Play some board games with your other children. The key is to stay busy and focused on anything other than your contractions! It is too early to start timing anything, so get busy doing something, ANYTHING, else. Whatever makes the time pass faster is your friend right.
2. Hydrate. Keep up on water and fluids! Don’t drink too much that you get nauseous but keep sipping on something so that when the tough labor gets going, you don’t start off dehydrated.
3. Eat. Eat small snacks and whatever sounds good to you. It is a good idea to avoid anything too spicy or acidic though, because you never know if it's going to come back up in several hours time! You are going to need energy and the best way to prep for that is to keep yourself fueled.
4. Take a shower. Wash your hair, shave, lather up with your favorite body wash. It might be a little while before you shower again, so get clean and fresh now! It is best to avoid a bath until active labor, as baths can tend to stall those early labor contractions.
5. Rest. You are about to go through one of the most intense workouts of your life. You can keep doing hip circles on your exercise ball, but you don’t need to walk miles to exhaustion. Sleep as much as you can during these early contractions so that you feel more refreshed when the intensity revs up.

Once these ideas stop working, and the contractions get to be more than you want to cope with alone, that’s when you can call me, your birth doula!